Debunking The Disabilty Myth
by Marie S Zachary
Summary: An article that 'Trudy' wrote for her paper on disabilties.  This is a message I think everyone should read  AU.  This story is a message for people who have disabilities and who know people with disabilities.


Disclaimer: I don't own Monk

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**DEBUNKING THE DISABILITY MYTHS**

Let me make one thing clear. I have not done any research for this editorial. I am writing it from my own personal experience and from the point of view of what I have been told by other people with disabilities. **I myself **have a disability though it has not been given a name. Actually it has been given SEVERAL names from ADHD to NON VERBAL LEARNING DISABILITY to ASBURGERS SYNDROME.  
>First I would like to take you on a little journey through the mind of someone who happens to have a disability. Many people with disabilities are smart. They have a keen sense of awareness about things so when something doesn't come easy for them it gets frustrating. In my case sometimes I know what I want to say but it doesn't come out right. It can get very frustrating at best. When you look through the eyes of a 'typical' person they might be thinking something along the lines of<br>- _Why is he playing mind games?  
>- She's not stupid. Why doesn't she say what's on her mind.<br>_The mind works very quickly so it takes awhile for it to go from the brain to the mouth correctly. So lets say for example you want to say "Dogs are fun" you might instead say "I love animals especially furry ones like cats or dogs especially dogs because they can be fun." Sometimes the person might even have a mental blank or a brain fart on simple things. That's happened to me before.  
>The most basic myths that go along with having a disability is<br>- The person is limited. That is both true and false. Everyone has limits and for someone with disabilities they have to work harder to overcome adversity. A good example is I always wanted to work with children. Now I have an AMAZING job working with people, not only children. But it took me a lot of disappointments and frustrations to get there. I wouldn't accept less then I knew I was capable of. Diet has been a huge struggle for me until about a year ago when I decided to buckle down and fly right. I began eating a lot of fish and cutting fries and snacks down. I have had a few slip-ups but I will not say that I was unsuccessful. I have a long way to go but I know I'm heading in the right direction. Limitations just mean you have to find ways to get around it.  
>- In order for a person to overcome a disability you have to push them harder then everyone else. <strong>NO. <strong>That is **not **true. You need to have **reasonable **expectations of people. Perfection is not something anyone can accomplish in human form. Things spill things break things drop. Even people without disabilities make mistakes. When you push a person with disabilities or get angry with them for things that are minor they feel confused, frustrated, angry and quite frankly like less of a person. Instead chose your battles. If someone spills something that doesn't mean they aren't aware. If they go to clean it up you don't have to make a big issue over the fact that it spilled. NEWSFLASH- IT'S NOT SOMETHING PEOPLE DO ON PURPOSE. YOU CAN'T ALWAYS BE 100 PERCENT AWARE ALL THE TIME EVERY TIME 100 PERCENT OF THE TIME. If a person is doing something in a way you don't particularly like just say "I would prefer you do it this way instead of that way. Disabled people **are **smart and they **can **learn without being brow beaten. For people who are disabled who are reading this let me make something clear. The people who push you may not be right in doing it but they do it out of love for you. They are doing what they think is right. Never doubt that you're loved. Never doubt that you have supporters on your team.  
>- It's too hard for them. I should do it for them. I should fight their battles for them. That is the other end of the spectrum. There are 2 problems with that. One is that it's overwhelming for both the person who is being protected all the time as well as the protector and two, sad as this is to say you're not always going to be there to fight their battles for them. I know how hard it is to see someone you love frustrated but it is VERY important that you be real and supportive at the same time. For a person with disabilities facing challenges are particularly scary. They know the day will come when they will have to face difficult times and they're more aware of it then most people are. They need to be prepared so you don't fight their battle for them unless it's one they <strong>cannot <strong>fight on their own. You support and encourage and be empathetic but you don't take away their capabilities and cripple them emotionally.  
>- They should know this by now. They're not a baby anymore. They should grow up. Being an adult doesn't mean everything comes easy for you nor does it mean that you don't need support. Imagine how you feel after you had a hard day at work or you come home to find your 3 year old sick or you have a day where everything that can go wrong does and everything that doesn't go wrong will.<br>- Life is hard they should know that. They already do. Their life is hard every day. I know a girl about my age who wakes up every night in a panic. She wakes up shaking. I know another girl who gets emotional about things that most people wouldn't think twice about. People think 'well why doesn't she just get over it?' She would if she could. Believe me I've dealt with both though issues and more. It's not that easy.  
>- She's manipulating me. He knows I hate it when he does that. He just does it to drive me crazy. Why can't she learn to do it right. There is no manipulation going on in a person's mind. They are trying to please you, please themselves and accomplish what needs to be accomplished. They have goals they set for themselves and they try hard to accomplish it. Sometimes they are specific and sometimes they are simple basic goals. It is getting started that's hard. After awhile things get easier but the tricky part is the beginning.<br>To conclude please understand that nobody chooses to have a disability but a disability can be in many ways a gift. Think of Helen Keller, Abraham Lincoln and Temple Grandie just to name a few. Be patient and at the same time real. I know it's hard but try to look at things through their eyes. Be proud of your loved ones for who they are and realize they don't stay the same. They learn and they grow. Thank you for reading this


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